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"Apacolypse"

Death, invading my mind
Help, I can not find
Depression, invading my head
This skin I can not shed
This world, something ain't right
Bright day turning into dark night
The moon eclipsing the sun
Soon, it will be done

"God will save us all," the anounced
But He I have denounced
This world has been a hell for so long
What did I do that was so wrong
The world, I see it burning
Everytime that my heart is turning
Your words cut through my heart
My hate, it tears you apart
Your words, they tear a hole
Deep in the fabric of my soul

All my sins I do repent
God has foreshadowed the event
The apacolypse is coming near
But it I do not fear

"A prayer for all the little..."

sell your soul, learn to sin
let all of the demons in

blow out the eternal light
and join the army of the night
crucify the savior son
let him die let it be done

serve your self, serve your master
and you'll get to heaven faster

burn and pillage, rape the earth
the savior will not have rebirth

anarchy will be unfurled
and then we will destroy the world

"As the Sorrow of a Thousand Dying Souls"

Dark as the night my heart has become
My soul is wishing for a release from this cold dark world
The scars om my hands cant heal those within
No dreams are left,you took them all
No wishes,no hope
They all are gone
All that is left is my hate and sorrow
Iside it seems like i am sensing,
the sorrow of a thousand dying souls.

"A Stone and a Casket"

a stone and a casket
on a cold amber eve
i slowly unpacked it
beneath your tree

in the canvas sack
laid a shovel and a spade
with a breeze at my back
i perched in the shade

up from below
came a warm pool of steam
you want me, now i know
it never was a dream

my throat, dry and cracked
my lips parched of thirst
it won't be much longer, darling
or my heart will surely burst

i was going to save
the love you wouldn't take
like the ring to you i gave
that you buried in the lake

and forever i would be
your mortal slave so true
and love you more than he
you thought you really knew

i waited atop your mound of dirt
two deep breaths and a silent prayer
an empty vase and a grassy skirt
i never wanted to put you there

but i knew i loved you
and forever planned that day
i slayed you, that part's true
but it was the only possible way

the earth was soft
and warm and wet
i dug 'til i coughed
from drowning in sweat

when i found you and beheld you
you were waiting for me there
your nails had turned blue
and you clutched at your hair

in tears, i dropped
and knelt at your feet
my heart had to stop
you never smelled so sweet

i took you in my arms
and held you to my chest
when i heard the alarms
coming far from the west

i climbed from your tomb
in my arm rest your head
like a bride and a groom
over the threshold to bed

i rubbed your back so you could rest
'til my eyes became so sleepy
with my face buried in your chest
that night i slept so sound and deeply

when i awoke you were watching me
i shut your eyes but they popped back open
i didn't want you to ever see
the tears i cried from my heart so broken

your head lolled and rolled to one side
i kissed your lips to wake you up
but your soul from me you still try to hide
my darling, i promise i will never give up

"Autumn"

I walked in a death-coloured autumn
I wandered in a enormous lair
Which was made of dead leaves
Beautiful flowers murdered by autumn

Red, scarlet
Green, deep wood-green
Yellow, summer's burning yellow
Black, sweet blackness of my eyes

I cried in a dead-coloured autumn
I roamed in the wide world
It was made of blue spheres
By superior powers of some god

Agony, blood-red agony
Tears, sea's salty tears
Blood, eternal death's blood
Cries, my enrapturing cries

I opened my eyes in a gloomy autumn
I cried in enthusiastic bless
Sun behind the clouds
And I was in the veil of death

Red, scarlet
Green, deep wood-green
Yellow, summer's burning yellow
Black, sweet blackness of my eyes

Sun was withdrawn
Had let autumn murder
Had let winter go within
Sun was withdrawn

"Bane"

You tell me the truth only when you fear
You look so sad and down comes a tear
I'm sick of the shit that you feed to me
Let go of my wings and let me be free
I want to fly away from all of this pain
Finally, i figured out that you are my bane

"Beautiful Scar"

Slide the blade along my arm,
Remember who I used to be.
Know the hate I have become,
I am never really free.
Blood drip down from the blade,
Just as red as before.
Pumped by a broken heart,
Afraid to love once more.
Touch my lips to the bleeding cut,
A taste of my cold life.
Manifest my insane mind,
Discover it with a knife.
Try to make the cut deep enough
To kill away the pain.
Hurt myself bad enough
To cover up the stain.

"Belated Longing"

A lifetime of sorrow endured
With each passing minute of your absence
I can hear you
Though you're not here
I can see you
Though you're not here
I can taste you,
your blood, on my lips once more.

Thousands of miles seperate us now
Yet I can almost feel you.
If there is a hell than this must be it
because I can't go another second without
you beside me...

I will go mad in time,
because you're not here;
I've lived my whole life without you,
and you without me.

I will arrive, somehow...
I promise.

For when you're not here,
my world crumbles and crashes.
Heed my words, I will arrive.
Somehow... I promise.

"Big Nostalgic"

The old elephant
is dying slowly
in a few moment
he will fly

all his life
he walked on the plain
as a great fighter
of survival

he is looking to the bird
flying over
he is an old warrior
of calm behavior

the nature is running fast
faster than him
he's waiting for the darkness
to come uppon him

he will run on the cloud
he will swim in the sky
he will eat the star
he will sleep on the moon

Nature is the ruler
and the time has come
for the old elephant
to leave for ever

the old elephant
can be you and me
one day, a day of dream
for ever, we will close our eyes

with no afterlife
with no reincarnation
with no good heaven
with no evil hell

We will be buried
in an elephant graveyard
where the only thing that is worth anything
is the ivory left behind

"Bitterness"

I need to get away
from all that binds me to the floor
The pain,the hurt,the sorrow
i cant take it any more....

I need a knife to cut me free
from these chains that tie me down
i need to get away from this
godforsaken town

Im cursed for all eternity
by this scar inside my heart
the pain will never dissapear
the guilt will never part

I held you close,so close to me
and then i let you go
my bitterness subsided
i let my truth and beauty show

You backed away in terror
your smile now fading fast
I remember a love like this once
but that was in the past

You cried out in alarm
as i slash you with the blade
your heart no longer beating
your lips no longer prayed

I touched your blood with my fingertips
i smiled and closed my eyes
i no longer felt your innocence
i no longer heard your lies

I withdrew all my anger
I turned and backed away
I look back..calling out your name
Oh wont you come and play

"Bittersweet Tears Of My Heart"

the smooth, unsuspecting blade lies beckoning before me
its dull greyness cathes my tear blurred eyes with its quiet gleam
the jagged sharpness reminds me of a rough pain i once felt
a pain i'd rather forget
i stare at my transparent, vein streaked wrist,
thinking of a pain i'd rather feel,
blood i'd rather see,
scars which almost cut my soul
It screams at me,
words that are forbidden to have meaning
it needs me to numb the darkness around my heart
to use it
abuse it
satisfy its need to cut
i pick it up and savour it's texture in my pale hand
i press it to the smoothness of my skin
and as my miserable emotions come together,
i sweep it across my flesh in one quick, painless motion
colours pour from my wound, and as the blood spills forth with
surprising, but satisfying speed,
i realize i may never have to experience this pain again.

"Blind"

Taking your time
Can't you see
That you're breaking her heart
Too many times
You've just walked away
You were never around
When she needed you to stay
Your intentions were wronf
Right from the start
I remember seeing her by the window
All the lights were still on
Up late waiting for you
Knew you weren't coming
But was faithful till the end
Time after time
I tried to tell her
That you were a fake
But it seemed that you
Already blinded her
With so many lies
Sad thing is through all the lies
She sees some truth
Never asked you for much
Wanted once more
To feel your gentle touch
Maybe hear a few words
To show that you care
Sometimes she just wanted
You to stand
And stay by her side
But you always had
Better things to do
Other hearts to break
More empty promises to make
But you don't listen
When she finds out
You won't even begin to care
You'll lie and say, "I didn't mean it."
She'll let you
Crawl back into her arms
Give you another chance
That you don't deserve
How could you hurt her like that
Where do you find the nerve
Treat her like trash
Always there
When you're looking for something to smash
Because of you her sanity is beginning to crash

"Bliss"

There are demons that haunt my mind
The cure i only hope to find
I try to walk towards the light
But always end up in the darkest of nights
The faces of people i once loved
The ones i talked to kissed and hugged
Have all turned against me
And all i can do is hope and plea
I've done nothing wrong as far as i know
Athough their eyes show more then they show

I tried my best not to show my pain
Although their words are permently in my brain
Their hate and bitterness
Painful words and cruelness
Dont you realise this is eating me away
>From the inside out, day by day

I just dont feel complete
I know youll never let me be happy,for you always have to compete
I only hope one day i can be free
Away from your cruel words, left to be me
Leave you all behind, no one in control
Just me ..my heart .....and my soul

Im constantly by your side
Standing up for you and what u feel inside
But when things change, and im the one
Who needs the help you join with the others afterall its just plain
fun.....
The way you laugh and whisper behind me is slack
It tares me into shreds which form my heart ill never get back....
As tears well up behind my eyes
You laugh and point..why dont u hear my cries
My mind spins as my heart breaks
Theres no one here for christ sake!

Im now starting to go numb
Your wise cracks and words screaming that im dumb...
My mind is one hazed blur
Eyes burning... stop please too much hurt
I cant handle this pain
Why dont u feel the least bit of shame???
I was there when you needed a friend
But now you've cornerd me, will this tourcher never end....

You laugh again and again and again
Each laugh stabbing deeper with tremendous pain
I gave you all i had in life
My soul now gone as i take the knife

You never really loved me ...
You never really cared....
But now its gotten too much, too much to bare
The knife i hold in my hand
So cold, so perfect, so grand
One quick stab is all it will take
Finally i will be at peace adn do somthing for my sake
This silver shining tool of peace
Will finally put my soul at ease
I will feel no more pain
And my tears will no longer fall like rain

As i place it to my chest
Please forgive me for i ahve tried my best
I thankyou world for my chance at life
But as all things must, i have to die
I know no one will shed a tear
Pray, or cry they may even jeer..

But i leave a mark of final rest
The blood that will cover my once white breast
My last shred of pain will leave my eyes
The blissful moment as i die...

"Blood and Rust"

Time shifting slowly
Across my skin again
As I turn to bleed
And taste my life

Rusted eyes closed
Hands held tight
Shaken faith falls
Blood blinds my sight

"Cemetery Symphony"

Cemetery...
The last shelter...
For those, who has reached,
For those, who has found,
Who has remained...
We search, we wait, we go,
There, where the sky sown with pearls of stars,
Where the moon inundate the world by silver of a night,
Where the trees are silent, incline over the sadness,
Where strong and weak are equal,
Where is not present neither malicious, nor kind,
Where black is black, and white - is white, as snow on top of a
mountain,
Where seven instants and seven aeons are identical long,
Where the breath is quiet and is weak, and the eyes see the world
through the veil of tears,
Where only silence and rest... Eternal rest...

Open your eyes and try to understand, that you see,
Inbreathe complete breast dry air,
What do you feel? What do you wish? And whether there is the desire in
general?
By it all the same, they have reached...
Their way is completed here on this cemetery...
They have reached... They enough be in pain...
They have found... They enough searched...
They here... They lay in dark rest...
They are dead... And you alive... But it not an occassion for tears...

All mortal and you too sometime die...

Cemetery... Eternal dreams in tacit rest...
You search it, you ask pardons and tear the soul on a part,
When the new pain rushs into your small world...
Here, on a cemetery all problems are solved,
There are no more questions and it is not necessary of the answers,
all clearly up to a limit
You are dead... She is dead... They are dead... We all are dead...
We here on a cemetery in the last shelter of the eternal wanderer...
We here among grieving trees,
Among odoriferous flowers, giving the pain all, that will touch them,
Among sepulchral hills and sadness ledger,
Among drooping crosses and gloomy steles...
We here... We at home... And we all are dead...

©2002 by the author

 

Available Poems:
Apacolypse
A prayer for all the little...
As the Sorrow of a Thousand Dying Souls
A Stone and a Casket
Autumn
Bane
Beautiful Scar
Belated Longing
Big Nostalgic
Bitterness
Bittersweet Tears Of My Heart
Blind
Bliss
Blood and Rust
Cemetery Symphony

 

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